Monday, July 22, 2013

bacon avocado breakfast sandwiches will change your life

One of my coworkers once had this really fun house party - I arrived solo and was looking around for a friend, when a cute guy kindly directed me toward the basement. As I started walking away, he told me I looked familiar. I figured it was the start of a cheesy pickup line so I politely told him I had no idea who he was and walked away.

Fast forward a couple hours and I ended up talking to this guy again. Turns out he's super interesting and writes about the local music scene in DC. He offered to play some music for me on his phone, so we went on the roof of my coworker's house. We were totally having A Moment when suddenly he said "I know where I know you from. You're on OkCupid."

Immediately, I started babbling "I'm so sorry! I don't remember getting your message. I get so many messages every day, and it gets so hard to keep up-" before he cut me off and said "No, I don't think I messaged you."

So, of course, I reflexively screeched "WHY WOULDN'T YOU MESSAGE ME," thus effectively ruining a beautiful moment and continuing my pattern of being The Most Socially Awkward Person Alive.

i'm going to tie this in to breakfast sandwiches, promise.

Do you remember Next, the blind dating show that used to be on MTV? They would go on really bizarre first dates and the guy or girl in charge of choosing a partner would always have ridiculous expectations. When their date didn't impress them, they would yell "Next!" and get a new date. Here's an example (please don't hate me for rotting your brain).

I always disliked that show because it seemed to cheapen the experience of getting to know someone. There was a conveyor belt of options, and if you didn't like Romeo's tattoos or Juliet's haircut, you could nix them right off the bat. I am so morally superior to these people, I would tell myself, smugly.

I used to be practically an addict of dating apps. It started with OkCupid, where I had carefully chosen pictures and a thoughtfully written profile. Then I fell for the simplicity of Hinge, which would show me just a few pictures of the guy, his current job, and some of his interests - and I thought that was all I needed to know. I would tap a <3 if I was interested, or an X if I wasn't. Easy, right?

Then one day I came to a sad realization, while sitting on the bus and scrolling through pictures on Hinge or Tinder or whatever, muttering to myself "next. next. next."

I was no better than MTV.

The truth is, that nondescript guy with the lowbrow retail job might share your love of 1950s movies and know how to cook the hell out of an omelet. The Pelosi staffer with the charming smile might spend the whole night talking about work and smelling like Axe body spray. Judging a person off of an iPhone-sized screen of text and photos will never accurately convey who they are. And with the declining attention spans of the Millennials, we're giving ourselves less of a chance to get to know each other. When real life starts to mimic MTV, you know something's wrong.

am i the only one who thinks this shouldn't be this easy?

Anyway, this is all basically an analogy for breakfast sandwiches. I'm very picky about my breakfast sandwiches. There are so many options, it can sometimes be overwhelming. English muffin? Croissant? Plain bagel? Wheat bagel? Everything bagel? Everything wheat bagel? Egg over easy? Egg over hard? Eggs scrambled? Egg whites only? Bacon? Ham? Sausage? Steak? Avocado? Tomato? Arugula? American cheese? Cheddar? Gruyere? Excedrin?

Just like there's no such thing as the ideal man, there's no such thing as the ideal breakfast sandwich. To be honest, my ideal changes daily. Some days I want a breakfast sandwich that's charming and witty and well-read. Other days I just want a breakfast sandwich that won't flirt with our waitress when we're out to dinner.

So now, instead of zooming through all of the various options and screaming NEXT NEXT NEXT, I prefer to look for the beauty in each individual breakfast sandwich. /2¢


1 everything bagel
1 egg, cooked over easy
1/2 avocado
2-3 slices bacon, cooked
red pepper flakes, to taste
salt and pepper, to taste

Toast bagel to desired crunchiness. One one side of the bagel, smear the avocado around like it's butter. Top with red pepper flakes to your desired spiciness. On the other side of the bagel, place the egg and add salt and pepper to taste. Weave your bacon strips together like the picture above, and place on top of egg. Assemble the sandwich and smoosh it together to release the egg yolk. Yummm.

you sharing?

No comments:

Post a Comment