whole wheat garlic knots and fresh marinara sauce

I've been living in Paris for over a week now, so I'm going to write about French food another favorite American staple: garlic knots and marinara sauce. To healthify it, I'm talking about whole wheat garlic knots and fresh marinara sauce. But not until after I prattle on for a bit about how things are going in la belle France.

wild blueberry pie and pie crust from scratch (and i moved to paris!)

I moved to France! I know that means I should probably write something about French food, but instead I'm going to give you my recipe for wild blueberry pie. Nothing is more American New Englandy than wild blueberry pie. And this wild blueberry pie is the best. I've made this wild blueberry pie to impress boys from Maine. Boys from Maine are born and raised on wild blueberries, so they're like wild blueberry baked good connoisseurs. And they really like my pie.

so that should tell you something.

I know you're probablyyyy curious about French boys. I'll have you know, the first smoking hot Frenchman I met was my Airbnb host, who is a gangly art student with a shaggy mop of brown hair and limited comprehension of English. But he knew just enough English to bashfully inform me that while I'm renting his apartment he'll be staying with his boyfriend. Maybe this will be a sign of my luck in Paris. It's fine! Complaining about being single is kind of like my thing now. Hopefully my next apartment will be animal-friendly, so I can start the cat collecting early.

shrimp avocado jalapeño salad

Ok, so this is a little awkward. I know I kind of hated on salads in an earlier post, so you're probably thinking this is super hypocritical, right?

I went through this phase in high school where I only ate Caesar salad every day. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking either. As a result I was super skinny, but I was also cranky and irritated and kind of awful all the time. You can blame it on teenager hormones, but I'm blaming it on how freaking awful salads are. They're just never really filling or delicious. Be honest, how many times have you said to yourself thank goodness I chose to eat that garden salad instead of that maple brown sugar bacon? Now that I don't eat salads on a regular basis, I'm a much more pleasant person to be around.

But THIS salad. Whoooo, boy. This salad is a different story.

yeah, this salad freaking rocks.

nanaimo bars for when you have to say goodbye to people you actually like

Have you ever simultaneously craved chocolate, graham crackers, hazelnuts, vanilla, and coconut at the same time? I totally have. Here's the solution: Nanaimo bars.

It's pronounced na-NIGH-mo. But if you're anything like this totally adorable guy I know, I'll let you get away with calling them Finding Nemo bars.

This glorious treat is named after Nanaimo, British Columbia, where these little slices of heaven mysteriously originated. In fact, the city of Nanaimo has an actual map of Nanaimo bar-inspired treats (Nanaimo bar milkshakes! Nanaimo bar martinis! Nanaimo bar cupcakes!) that you can find throughout their city. Going to Nanaimo for a Nanaimo bar binge is definitely in the top ten on my bucket list. Don't judge me. Nanaimo bar cheesecake! Nanaimo bar iced coffee!

maple brown sugar glazed bacon and other advice for hosting brunch

I'm a veteran brunch host. I've hosted small ladies-only brunches, large potluck brunches, patio brunches, poolside brunches, dessert-only brunches, and farewell brunches. And now I'm sharing some of my brunch hosting advice with you! Here are my top tips for guaranteeing a happy, successful, anxiety-free brunch. (Hint: bacon is involved.)

we'll get to this in a second.

Prepare as many things in advance as possible. You want to be able to relax and impress everyone at the same time (I swear it's possible!), so we need to minimize the amount of work you're doing in the morning. You don't necessarily have to prepare the whole dish ahead of time - if you're making blackberry orange zest ricotta waffles, for example, you can make the batter the day before, store it in the fridge overnight, and make the waffles in the morning.

Write everything down. I like to create a schedule to plan ahead and help me remember all of the things I have to do, so I'm not constantly thinking about when I need to knead my bread dough or take my bagels out of the oven or how I'm going to sauté spinach and peaches at the same time when I only have one pan or whatever.

Only use recipes you've made before. And on the morning of your brunch, only use simple recipes you've made before. Even better, only use simple recipes that you've made before that you enjoy making. I adore rice, but I freaking hate cooking it because it decides to burn every time I walk away for two seconds.

Curate a cooking playlist to help you relax and keep moving. I'm at my most productive and relaxed when listening to slow or moderately paced female vocalists. Jessie Ware and Lykke Li and Lorde are my go-to artists for mornings in the kitchen. But who knows, maybe you cook better when you're listening to DMX aggressively ponder where his dogs are. Or something.

vodka tomato sauce from scratch

I like to think of myself as a pretty hardworking person, but I definitely have my limits.

For example, I've discovered I can stay at work for 14 hours before getting cranky. I can read 60 pages of Goffman before needing an xoJane break. I can spend three hours waiting for a guy to text me before whining to my roommates that I've given up on men foreverrrr. I can do two hours of calculus homework before needing a bubble bath.

I can eat, like, three salads before needing a bowl of hearty, carby pasta.

totally worth the torture of salad-eating.

bacon avocado breakfast sandwiches will change your life

One of my coworkers once had this really fun house party - I arrived solo and was looking around for a friend, when a cute guy kindly directed me toward the basement. As I started walking away, he told me I looked familiar. I figured it was the start of a cheesy pickup line so I politely told him I had no idea who he was and walked away.

Fast forward a couple hours and I ended up talking to this guy again. Turns out he's super interesting and writes about the local music scene in DC. He offered to play some music for me on his phone, so we went on the roof of my coworker's house. We were totally having A Moment when suddenly he said "I know where I know you from. You're on OkCupid."

Immediately, I started babbling "I'm so sorry! I don't remember getting your message. I get so many messages every day, and it gets so hard to keep up-" before he cut me off and said "No, I don't think I messaged you."

So, of course, I reflexively screeched "WHY WOULDN'T YOU MESSAGE ME," thus effectively ruining a beautiful moment and continuing my pattern of being The Most Socially Awkward Person Alive.

i'm going to tie this in to breakfast sandwiches, promise.